Spring Migration 2007

The birds came back. In spite of my many fears (some rational, some not so much) over global warming, run-away development and loss of habitat, da birds came back. Denise and I burned serious amounts of carbon in order to see this miracle once again, but the birds did not disappoint. Over the past few weeks we've been to Point Pelee, Rondeau, Thickson Woods, the Carden Alvar and also managed 3 or 4 treks through the wilder parts of York Region. We found 125+ species in Point Pelee over three days and 50 during a short day at the Cardin Alvar.

Of course, my subjective view about the number and variety of birds returning this spring means nothing. As mentioned, human activity has altered or destroyed many natural habitats -- and global warming isn't helping either. Experts such as York University's Professor Bridget Stutchbury (see Silence of the Songbirds), have observed a significant decline in the numbers of North American songbirds.

With fewer birds and fewer natural wetland and forest habitats, it's no wonder that a birder has to drive a long way just to see 'em. But for those lucky enough to escape the gray and steel of a North American urban landscape, the trek is worth it. Now more than ever, we need observers -- people in the field -- who watch, identify and record the evidence of the natural world. Great observers like Jamuudsen help us to remember the beauty that may be slipping through our fingers. Here are a few highlights from our own observations:

Unturning old stones on Easter Island

I stuck toothpicks in my eyes to stay awake for Stewart and Colbert last night, hoping for some good humour and insight -- some fake insight at least. Not much to be found there these days, though Jason Jones' report on two lunatics (one trying to give guns to teachers and one trying to give students Kevlar textbooks) was funny and smart. Meanwhile, in what passes for reality, we still don't know what caused the Big Stink in the Big Apple yesterday, but the great bloodshot orb of the media has moved on to cover the U.S. air strike against al Qaeda in Somalia and the oil dispute between Russia and Belarus.

So why am I thinking about Easter Island? Today's NY Times fas an interesting piece by Larry Rohter on the issue of whether to restore the giant stone moai on Easter Island. Although about 50 of these large familiar gods have been restored over the years, hundreds more remain scattered around the island. The trouble is that it costs upwards of $500,000 to restore each one and many Easter Islanders feel that enough have been restored to sustain a healthy tourist industry. In fact, it seems that 45,000 visitors a year is already straining the islands resources.

Rohter's article describes the conundrum nicely, but fails to explain why there are hundreds of broken moai scattered around the island in the first place. For this information, we can turn to Jared Diamond's book, Collapse: by deforesting the island in order to build these things while struggling to grow food for up to 30,000 people, the islanders essentially depleted the soil and used up their primary source of fuel. Competing tribes built the moai to appease the gods in order to "improve" food production. As resources grew scarce, it became easier to destroy your neighbor's moai and harder to build new ones. Diamond provides a wealth of evidence on the island's population growth, deforestation and subsequent food production problems.

Fearing for the sustainability of their island (and probably wanting to use the land for other purposes), modern Easter Islanders have no desire to restore all of the old gods so that foreigners can gawk at "old stuff". There is a good deal of irony and powerful metaphor here, ya think? Diamond thinks to so, also, and views Easter Island as a microcosm of humanity's struggle on this planet. The fact that some of us want to waste more resources to raise up hundreds of pieces of rock on a remote island (while others tear down "gods" like the giant statue of Saddam and the Bhuddas in Afghanistan) shows shows how far we haven't come.

The fact is, hundreds of old broken moai will teach us more about Easter Island -- and ourselves -- if we just leave 'em alone.

Airborne Toxic Events in Austin and Manhattan?

CNN is reporting that a "mystery odor" is permeating Manhattan, though they claim it is not dangerous. Let's hope that is the case. Meanwhile a 10-block stretch of Austin was closed this morning when dozens of dead birds were found on city streets. The problem in Austin could have been caused by migratory birds bashing into tall buildings (that are lit up). This is a well-known and tragic problem for migrating birds. On the other hand, these episodes are reminiscent of the "airborne toxic event" that occurs in Don DeLillo's novel, White Noise. Let's hope these events are unrelated and benign. Meanwhile, it's Jan 8th and there is still no snow where I live. Strange planet, this one.

Austin update: "As many as 60 dead pigeons, sparrows and grackles were found overnight along Congress Avenue, a main route through downtown. No human injuries or illnesses were reported." says CNN. Whatever it is, it's not because of migrating bird collisions with skyscrapers.

Manhatten update: The coverage of this event is baffling. Consolidated Ed said there has been no drop in gas pressure, though the odour has reached New Jersey. Mayor Bloomburg has stated: "these things are normal, happen all the time." Not surprisingly, the NY Times coverage is better: "Mysterious odors come and go in the New York City area, sometimes never identified."

Nothing revealed here except my own Monday morning paranoia.

Globe & Mail on The greening of the oil sands

Despite what the folks at the Pembina Institute think, today's Globe has a different view on all of the weird and wonderful things the oil moguls in the west are doing to lessen environmental damage caused by oils sands extraction and production. David Ebner's The Greening of the Oil Sands, reads more like a list of excuses and threats from the oil industry. Essentially we are told not to threaten the Canadian oil industry with environmental regulation and other "rash decisions" or we stand to lose 20% of Canada's gasoline capacity. As Marcel Coutu, CEO of SynCrude told the Globe: “That's a big, big number. I don't think the country wants us to stop being a leading oil producer.” Well, maybe we do. Maybe some of us want to see Canada's gasoline requirements drop by 33% or more.

But not these guys. They want us to keep the exploration subsidies flowing and consider "innovations" such as the use of underground nuclear reactors so that the oil sands can be processed in situ. Or how about EnCana Corp's plan to reduce the amount of fresh water steam required to bubble up the bitumen by mixing solvents such as butane and propane into the steam. Oh, and Shell wants to pipe CO₂ emissions to Edmonton where they will be pumped into older wells to be "permanently" stored.

Doesn't it just all sound so, so "sustainable"?

Jesus Trees: Everyone’s favourite Deity stumps around the planet

He's packed his trunks. He's branching out. He's taking a bough. Can you twig it? Jesus is appearing in trees around the world and bringing comfort to the faithful everywhere. At least, this is what we learn from CNN's recent video expose: Jesus in a tree? Neighbors say Lord, yes. I hope the good Lord will forgive me for wondering why this was not presented as "OffBeat News", a section which currently wants us to know that:

• Robots may soon demand independence
  
• Typo lands tourist 8,000 miles from destination
  
• Snow for sale on eBay
  

On the other hand, Jesus doesn't make the news on CNN as often as Britney or Paris, so I suppose when the Saviour of the World appears in the gnarled bark of a tree in Florida, we really need to know about it. Besides, it seems Jesus really likes trees (as long as you forgive Him for that odd fig tree cursing episode). In recent years, the Lord has been seen in a silver maple in Rochester, New York. He has appeared in a big 'ole tree in Milwaukee and also in an old growth tree in Quincy, Illinois. Since this is a world tour, you can also find Christ in Sussex, England, grimacing from the bark of a Burgess Hill Hawthorn tree. It's difficult to keep up with the Lord's travel schedule, although the "Look! It's Jesus" folks gave it a good try a few years back.

For the record, I have never seen Jesus in a tree and don't expect to, but there is a wonderful place (ironically situated next to Ontario's Pickering Nuclear Generating Station called Home Place. Home Place was created by Pickering artist, Dorsey James and features numerous tree faces and animal carvings from mythology and nature. I took these photos a few years ago when we happened upon them unexpectedly. It was a revelation!

Bird of the Week: Long-Eared Owl

After last night's mean-spirited rant, here's the bird of the week: the Long-Eared Owl. There are supposed to be four of these guys hanging around the Burlington Outdoor Recreation Centre north of Toronto, but we only saw three. B.O.R.C. is located in kind of a wasteland of industrial dumping stations and train yards, mixed in with farms. Lot's of midnight dumping of refrigerators and stoves into nearby gullies also. Between that and the stupid ATVs roaring around, aren't we a charming species? Still, it's amazing to find these beautiful creatures and the occasional Northern Shrike in such a place.

Can Gerald Ford Pardon George Bush?

While I've never been on any of the official guest lists, I've witnessed my share of state funerals through the magic of live television: JFK, MLK, Bobby Kennedy, Trudeau, Reagan, et al. Over the years, the "state funeral" has become a fusion of church and state. In other words, it has become a machine that manufactures images and sound bites for political gain. These solemn occasions give the living political elite a once in a lifetime chance to celebrate the deceased while sharing (basking, wallowing, snuffling, rolling around) in the unending praise and glory they heap upon their predecessors. When the corpses of the mighty are flown across the country, and wheeled about for visitation and viewing, the living can always find the right words to turn a stiff into a lucky talisman.

Whose Lying in State Now?
The death of Gerald Ford is probably a more extreme example, because Cheney, Rumsfeld and Bush senior got their first big political breaks while working for him. And so the praises pour forth:

• President Bush’s father called Mr. Ford “a Norman Rockwell painting come to life”
• Tom Brokaw, the former television anchor, described “Citizen Ford” as a “champion of Main Street values”
  
• Henry A. Kissinger said the man he served as secretary of state “had the virtues of small-town America.”
  

Now, I'm sure Ford was a nice guy. After all, he helped get Canada into the G8 club and put the wheels in motion to grant amnesty to American draft dodgers. I'm not so sure pardoning Nixon was such a good idea, but that's just the kinda guy he was -- unless there really was a deal to let Nixon off the hook in exchange for his sudden departure (and Ford's rapid promotion). But Gerald and Betty Ford were complicated people. They claimed to have welcomed gays into the Republican fold and to support pro-choice and gay marriage. I wonder if George W was thinking about such things when recently uttered these words:

"Gerald Ford distinguished himself as a man of integrity and selfless dedication," Bush said. "He always put the needs of his country before his own, and did what he thought was right, even when those decisions were unpopular. Only years later would Americans come to fully appreciate the foresight and wisdom of this good man."

No doubt Bush was sincere in his praise, but he may also have been grasping at Ford's glory, hoping to rub some of that "foresight and wisdom" onto his own hind end.

That's such a cynical, horrible thought to have so early in the new year (though not as cheerless as Pat Robertson's recent prognostications about an unpleasant "I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear" 2007). Still, I think I've lost my faith in the sanctity of a good 'ole state funeral. After all, in the U.S., such events tend to occur at the "Washington National Cathedral",a structure whose very name rings with officialdom (as if it is run by the U.S. Dept. of Religious Affairs). While I did just make that up, I did not make up the fact that that this church features a gargoyle carved in the likeness of Darth Vader. What is that about? An apolitical ploy to get children to come to church or a not-so-veiled reference to Ronald Reagan's original Star Wars program? I'm not sure what George Lucas thinks about carving Darth Vader's head on the Washinton National Cathedral, but it ought be a crime to exploit the dead for quick political gain. Even a man as magnanimous as Gerald Ford might not be willing to pardon someone who is guilty of that crime.

On the Northern Afront
It turns out there are currently three remaining Canadian veterans of the first world war still living, all of them over 105 years old. The Canadian government recently approved a plan to hold a state funeral for the last one to survive. But it turns out that none of the three survivors want to be part of a political circus. I salute and commend Lloyd Clemett (106 years of age), John Babcock (106 years of age) and Dwight Wilson (105 years of age) for their wisdom in this matter. I do remember meeting WWI veterans at a Remembrance Day service in public school many years ago. I had no understanding of that war (and not much more to this day), but I was in awe of those old warriors who stood straight and proud on that cold November day.

Considering that Stephen Harper's last "tribute" to Canada's veterans looks more like a propaganda/recruitment video, our remaining WWI veterans are right to stay clear of Harper's media machine. They fought for freedom all those years ago, let them enjoy it.

Harper, Dion, Layton: Jumping on the Environmental Trampoline

It's amazing what a little bad weather and a by-election can accomplish. In November, a major rainstorm in Vancouver contaminated water reservoirs and forced a million residents to deal with a 12-day boil water advisory (never mind the fact that BWA's are a sad fact of life in dozens of native communities across Canada). Then, just a day after the Vancouver BWA was lifted, Green Party leader Elizabeth May posted a stunning second place finish in the London North Centre by-election. While the actual voter turnout in that election was disappointing, May took 25% of the votes, clobbering both the Conservative and NDP candidates. She didn't win, but she decisively proved the Green Party is now a political force to be reckoned with. As May observed "we have just witnessed... the beginning of a major shift in Canadian politics. Canada is going Green." She -- and many others -- expect to see at least one GP member in the House after the next federal election.

This renewed focus on the Greens and green politics has the major party leaders falling all over each other to see who can jump highest on the environmental trampoline. With his greenest good intentions, Stephan Dion can at least say he actually sorta did something when the Liberals signed the Kyoto Accord while he was Chretien's Environment Minister. Unfortunately, as we all know, the Libs never backed up that signature with meaningful action. A few days ago, Jack Layton graciously offered to work together with the other leaders to rewrite Harper's failed Green Plan, although a mere 6 weeks ago, he was all set to force a confidence vote over the issue. Yesterday Harper told the Canadian Press that the environment issue is now his "top priority". "We have to point out why the environment is a priority for the public", he arrogantly condescended. I think we get it Mr. Harper, we're just wondering how your wonky tax cuts and oils sands subsidies are going to help.

Wouldn't it be grand if the major parties did sit down and formulate a comprehensive set of tax changes and regulations that would drastically reduce greenhouse gases and emissions? I expect it would look something like the Green Party's GP² Green Plan. Elizabeth May has stated in the past that the Greens would be happy to support any political party that could enact such a plan. It would be a fine thing, but it is hard to be optimistic because for Harper, Dion and Layton, the environment is merely an issue, a portfolio, a file. It is something that must simply be handled for political survival and electoral gain.

For the Greens, however, the environment is everything. It's fundamental and determines the kind of economy and the level of health that is actually possible.

That's why I'm voting for Green in the next election.

Stormwater Retention Pond Blues

If you happen to live in an urban area, you probably walk, cycle or drive by a stormwater retention pond almost every day. If you are not sure, just look for a medium-sized, murky body of water surrounded by a few acres of grass and geese (and the requisite industrial arrangement of precast stone, shrubs and riverrock). That'd be the one. Your local retention pond may smell like something leaking from the bottom of a supermarket dumpster, but it plays an important role, catching run-off from roads, parking lots and over-fertilized lawns, and filtering it so that less bad stuff finds its way downstream into rivers and lakes. From the civil engineer's perspective, these ponds are utilitarian machines, but to the real estate developer they can be a powerful marketing device. "Live with Nature", the developers tell us, and "Ravine Lots Available". Where I live, such signs usually denote nothing more than the fact that a creek or drainage ditch will be allowed to flow behind a row of houses, connecting one storm retention pond to another.

It seems to me that this kind of "life with nature" contributes to an urban idea of the nature world that is simplified, artificially controlled and patently false. It is also sometimes dangerous. Last weekend, two young boys decided to walk across a stormwater retention pond that had partially iced over. After testing the thickness with small stones, they began to cross over. One fell in and the other drowned trying to save him. Was this tragedy caused by a mistaken faith in their own youthful immortality? Or, have we merely created an over-developed urban landscape that makes it impossible for people to viscerally experience the beauty -- and the danger -- of a truly natural world?

To further confuse the issue is the fact that stormwater retention ponds actually provide poor habitat for fish and birds. But beggars can't be be choosers, so some species try to make a go of it regardless of the water quality. According to the Ontario Ministry of the Environment's manual Stormwater Management Practices (OMOE, 1994), "stormwater ponds should be considered treatment facilities and not a replacement for natural wetlands", but this is exactly what they have become. Today we went out for the Audubon Christmas Bird Count and found northern and shrike great blue herons, along with the usual suspects, at local retention ponds. We are supposed to enjoy looking at these ponds, but god help you if you fish or swim or otherwise "use" one of them. After last week's drowning, the president of the development made this clear in an interview with the Toronto Star:

"This is a very vital pond," said Madden, president of Diral Development Corp. Unfortunately, the increasingly complex array of municipal, provincial and federal approvals required for stormwater retention ponds is forcing developers to landscape these areas to look like parks, he said. "It's not a lake. It's not for recreational use. So don't entice people to go there," he said in an interview today. "Don't put walkways around it. Don't landscape it like it's part of the parks system. Landscape them with tall grasses to keep people away."

In other words, buy into the "live with nature" marketing dream, but once you move in, just look at "nature" from a safe distance -- don't come near it. Am I mad to think that this way of living is madness? Am I crazy to question Ontario's "Places to Grow Plan", which anticipates the population of the GTA will double within 25 years? Am I wrong to think that we have essentially reached the carrying capacity of our own environment? We're full up folks, although there appears to be plenty of physical space in which to put people. This is all the more worrisome when you consider the millions of environmental refugees that are expected to flood into developed countries in the coming decades. By trying to become the lifeboat of the world, will we all drown?

Illegal Cigarettes and Other Bad Habits

I'm not a smoker, though my brother and I grew up with parents who smoked. We both remember bouncing around in the back of Buicks and Oldsmobiles -- with the windows rolled up -- while our folks puffed away to their heart's content. The smoke billowed around us like cumulus clouds, but we didn't care. Sometimes we'd ask Dad to blow smoke rings (such things were endlessly fascinating to pre-internet kids). When Mom bought a cigarette maker, I remember watching her crank 'em out by the dozen. I think I may even have helped a few times. This is what I remember anyhow, though my memory is a little clouded by a blue-gray haze.

In any case, I was not pro or anti smoking. Smoking was just a fact of life until that fateful day when Smoking Sam and Smoking Sue showed up at school. These were self-contained, motorized smoking machines that oozed black and brown tars into a test tube to graphically show how smoking poisons the lungs. I'm not sure if they still use these devices to scare the tar out of grade-school kids, but it worked like a charm on me.

Mostly worked, anyhow. I confess I smoked a few cigarettes in high school -- for love I suppose -- but after a week or so, the smokes didn;t agree with me and I'm certain I didn't agree with her. Although I used to put up with co-workers who smoked at work, my tolerance for second-hand smoke has dwindled over the years. Now I dread passing through the gauntlet of smokers that gather outside every entrance to every building where I work. Those of us who do not smoke grimly hold our noses and do our best to stay up wind, well away from the poison. It sounds self-righteous, but really it's just self-preservation.

The government has tried taxing the things out of existence, but to no avail. This is primarily because sin taxes create an artificial price differential between jurisdictions with different tax rates. It's always possible to buy low in one region and sell high in another. Worse, billions of counterfeit cigarettes are now manufactured in China and elsewhere and are smuggled into Europe and North America and sold at rock bottom prices. According to a recent Toronto Star expose, upwards of 25% of all cigarettes sold are illegal and bypass regulation and taxation.

Since the cost of health care for smokers is, on average, 25% greater than for non-smokers, and since smokers are more than willing to purchase illegal smokes, it may be time to use the health care system to discourage the habit and ensure smokers pay their far share of taxes. This could easily be done by charging an extra health premium to anyone who continues to smoke past an arbitrary cut-off date -- say one year after the smoking health surtax becomes law. If the surtax is set high enough, it may even be desirable to remove or reduce current cigarette taxes. Lowering the price would bring the cost of legal smokes in line with the street price of the illegal stuff and (hopefully) make life more difficult for counterfeiters and smugglers. In Canada, we already saw this in the mid 90's when the Federal and Ontario governments cut taxes on cigarettes to "compete" with illegal smokes.

Now, in the US, more and more employers are using financial penalties and rewards to discourage smoking. Some employer-sponsored health plans now require smokers to cough up an additional $20 to $50 a month for the privilege of lighting up. If such a policy were adopted by Canada's provincially-run health care systems, it would change the financial landscape of Canada's health care system. Turning a "sin" tax into a high-risk health tax will give millions of smokers a good reason to quit. At the same time, it will encourage die-hard smokers to choose to purchase legal cigarettes over illegal and counterfeit smokes.

With luck, within a few years, we'll all breath a little easier.

N.B. The use of the Monks "Bad Habits" album cover is used here by chance. A friend happened to play a few tunes from this album and the cover just seemed to fit the headline. I have no idea what the Monks think about smoking, but regardless, this was a pretty good album.

Absolute Power Corrupts, Ontario Power Corrupts Absolutely

It's business as usual at Hydro One Inc, Ontario's largest electricity distribution company. Senior executives and their secretaries are making frequent use of corporate credit cards to purchase "gifts" and God knows what else. According to Jim McCarter, Ontario's Auditor General, some $127 million was billed last year with almost no receipts to show where and how this money was spent. Meanwhile, us dopey Ontarians fork over extra money every month to retire Ontario Hydro's infinitely large debt.

McCarter also took school boards, hospitals and many other nooks and crannies of the public sector to task for waste and iffy accountability. You can read the gory details yourself if you dare. Much of this abuse stems from the widespread use of purchasing cards -- PCards -- which have been used to buy DVD's, eyeglasses, Christmas lights, leather jackets, gift certificates, candy, chocolate, household supplies and a bajillion other items at our expense. And yet, this government has the gall to worry that a few homeless bottle pickers might "cash in" on the newly-announced 20-cent wine bottle deposit program by hoarding older bottles and returning them when the program starts.

The Hydro One accounting anomalies are reminiscent of the furor over Eleanor Clitheroe when she presided over Hydro One as CEO when it was supposed to go public. As Canada's highest paid civil servant, Clitheroe pulled down 2.3 million a year, made use of corporate limos for her children and nanny -- and apparently even for her cat. Clitheroe argued that such perks were provided in lieu of her taking maternity leave. There were other allegations involving home renovations that were billed to the corporation and along with personal country club memberships, etc. But, the nuclear waste hit the fan when the public learned of a golden handshake agreement that would let Clitheroe walk away with a multi-million dollar pension and three years salary for her trouble. Since getting the corporate boot, Clitheroe went on to become an Anglican priest, though she is still suing the Ontario government over her severance package and pension.

There is little point in rehashing any of this, except that last month's Canadian Business features this gem of an article by Thomas Watson: An Apology for Eleanor Clitheroe. According to Watson, "Reverend Ellie" was actually a victim in the whole affair. Seems she was double-crossed by Ernie Eves and his Conservatives when they sacrificed her in order to save themselves. Well, that sounds about right, doesn't it? But a victim!!!!?

Oh well, I guess we shouldn't be too surprised by the Canadian Business view of the world, but it is sad to see how the media can sometimes be co-opted to defend this kind of rot. It makes the job of cleaning it up (if that is even possible) all that much harder. Ya think?

Stéphane Dion Comes out Swinging in Ottawa

Apart from a few sound bites on the hourly CBC news, I decided not to torture myself last weekend -- I didn't watch any of the Liberal leadership convention. Fact is, I have to keep smacking the side of the head to remember: "I am not a Liberal!" Slap! "I am not a Liberal!" Slap. "I am not a Liberal!" Slap. And so on. Even if Dion proves to be as intelligent and honest as he seems, he'll still be surrounded by the big red, slow-moving, patronage-pedaling Liberal machine, won't he? Dion is supposed to be a green Liberal, -- just ask his dog -- but who knows how green he'll be allowed to be if the Liberals form a government in 2007. After all, the Grits learned early on how to posture about the environment better than most other parties. Remember when they signed the Kyoto accord during the Chretien era and then did little else besides pay Rick Mercer to tell us about the One Ton Challenge.



Ah, well. Time will tell, won't it? In the meantime, welcome back to Ottawa, Stéphane. Keep yer stick on the ice, watch out for Celine, and give Harper a whole lotta Hell. He's been asking for it!

London North byelection shows need for mandatory voting law

I was quietly (for a change) optimistic that Elizabeth May might carry the day for the Greens in last Monday's London North byelection. Although Liberal candidate, Glen Pearson won, the Green's second place showing represented a dramatic increase in support relative to past elections. But in our first-across-the-post electoral system, "relative" is all that really matters, isn't it? The fact is, only 42.8% of the riding's voters even bothered to show up to vote, despite the fact that this was one of the most hotly contested, broadly covered byelections in recent memory. Every party, including the Greens ponied up in a big way to try to get the vote out. What, pray tell, did those 50,000 North Londonites do while they were not voting last Monday?

By staying away in droves, the election was handed to Glen Pearson with just 15% of the pool of possible votes. While the Greens are making hay out of the fact they garnered 25.9% of the tally, the reality is that only 9% of the riding actually cast a vote for Elizabeth May, despite the fact that the GPC mounted a good strong fight, with volunteers spread across the country phoning London North voters while an army of canvassers criss-crossed the riding.

I'm as cynical about our majoritarian electoral system as anyone, but this is all we've got right now. Since the people we put in power occasionally send us to die to "protect our way of life" and to "guarantee our freedom", the least a person of voting age can do is to show up and mark an X when the time comes.

Clearly, it's time we changed the election act to require our citizens to vote and to levy fines against those who don't bother. Australia has such a system and averages a 95% turnout. It has been noted that mandatory voting results in a larger number of spoiled ballots and may actually skew the results in favour of liberal-leaning parties by bringing out larger numbers of "the poor and disenfranchised" [Slate]. So what! At least after voting, the poor will no longer be disenfranchised. Mandatory voting won't necessarily give us better government, but everyone will share equally in blame for whatever government we elect.

Blogging my way through world problems

When I started writing this blog some ten months ago, I told myself this is just a practice area -- a place away from work to play with words and ideas. I was not trying to solve the world's problems. I was not trying to right all wrongs, though I did hope to praise the just and satirize the guilty. I expected to have few readers and sadly that expectation has been exceeded.

But I lied. O how i lied. Like Ralph Philips, a minor Looney Toons character from the fifties, I daydreamed myself into dozens of blogging adventures -- ranting about Afghanistan, raving about nuclear power and roaring about the Green Party. But it turns out I have not simply been playing -- I care deeply about these things and want to make the world right. Typing away in front of this computer screen, with a cup of fair trade coffee at my side, I've had a few Walter Mitty-like moments where I thought I was making a difference. But we all know that's load of bull cookies (as the venerable Colonel Sherman T. Potter used to say).

The problem with world problems is that there are so damn many of them. Even if young Ralph Philips could keep the world safe, he'd spend the rest of his days playing global Whack-a-Mole, battling insurgents here, terrorists there and global warming everywhere. Even when I push the blog cart down the aisles and toss fresh issues into the basket, they often go bad on me before I have a chance to fully cook 'em. And so I've ended up with a growing list of half-baked blog entires:

• Beware of Run and Cut Politicians


• The Past and Future of the David Dunlap Observatory


• Harper replaces Kyoto promises with false premises


• Afghanistan: You've Never Seen Everything


• The Perils of Expanding the Canadian Forces


• How the "Will of God" Cheapens Human Life


• The Nuclear Greening of Ontario?
  

The obvious truth is that I have neither the time nor the skill nor the patience to type the world's problems away. But damn it, Jim -- that's what I wanna do. Type the world's problems away. It could be worse. I grew up watching Looney Tunes and always had a soft spot for little Ralph Philips. The kid gets grounded by his mom but quickly escapes via his overactive imagination to save the world from aliens in a most spectacular way. But the reality of Ralph, according to Toonpedia is that he "never appeared in comic books, on lunch boxes, or in any other venue. He's such a minor character, he wasn't even with the rest of the Warner Bros. toons in Space Jam". Hmmm... sounds a lot like me!

Ok, it could be a lot worse. In recent months another Ralph Phillips made the headlines. Ralph "Buck" Phillips escaped from prison last April and played a deadly game of Whack-a-Mole with with upstate New Yorkers by popping up in dozens of towns, hiding out in state forests and shooting three New York state troopers (one fatally). He was finally caught on Sept 8th, 2006. This Ralph was 44, old enough to have watched the same fictional Ralph Phillips that many of us grew up with. Now that Ralph "Buck" Phillips is back in prison (aka grounded), I want to know how he will escape in his dreams. Or maybe I don't. I'll just keep typing along my own merry, deluded path.

Comm Ralph to General Staff. Comm Ralph to General Staff. Routine report. Martians captured. World Safe. Over

Life Imitates Art with Submarines and Cocaine

One of strangest stories of the week has got to be the take-down of a 50-foot home-made submarine that was laden with 3 tons of cocaine. According to an Associated Press report, the vessel, which was made of fiberglass and wood was spotted cruising at 7 mph, while submerged just 6-feet under the surface. Four "crew" were found inside, breathing through plastic pipes which poked up out of the water. The craft was found near Cocos Island, some 550 km from Costa Rica.

Amazingly, this is not the first time home-made subs have been used to transport illegal drugs. Last August, an empty 33-foot long craft was found floating off the coast of Spain. In March, the Columbian navy seized a 60-foot long submarine that was used to carry drugs north along the Pacific coast. And, finally, in December 2005, Columbian police discovered a half-built submarine in a warehouse in the capital Bogota. Hmmm. Why would anyone build a 30-metre sub in a city that is 2,250 metres above sea level. This one was found with a stack of Russian documents and was guarded by closed circuit TV cameras.

Now where would such a crazy idea come from? In 2001, Sturla Gunnarsson directed a small gem of a film called Rare Birds, staring William Hurt, Andy Jones and Molly Parker. If you like birds, you'll love this move. If the mere concept of birders and birding puts you off, you may enjoy this movie even more. One of the film's deliciously crazy subplots involves Andy Jone's character, Phonce. He plays an eccentric inventor with an underground workshop that contains at least half a ton of salvaged cocaine and the recreational submarine he has been building for years. Phonce was finally ready to test the sub -- he just needed William Hurt to stumble onto the scene to become a co-conspirator.

There you have it: cocaine and submarines. Another great Canadian idea. It's a fact.

Bird of the Week: Hooded Mergansers

For the past week or so, I've been visiting a family of Hooded Mergansers at Stong Pond, in the middle of York University's Keele Campus. You can walk around and around the pond to get a closer view, but these guys will calmly move to the opposite side to keep a safe distance from anyone with a camera. Even when geese and mallards crash and slosh around in the same pond, these tough ducks just mosey along in a zen-like state. I'm not sure how tasty the fish in Stong Pond are, but these ducks spend quite a bit of time under water, looking for food. According to the Cornell ornithological lab:

The Hooded Merganser finds its prey underwater by sight. The merganser can actually change the refractive properties of its eyes to enhance its underwater vision. In addition, the nictating membrane (third eyelid) is very transparent and probably acts to protect the eye during swimming, just like a pair of goggles.

The Last Word on Garth Turner

I keep telling myself not to dwell on the doings of the Honourable Member of Halton, Ont -- but everyday I find myself clicking on garth.ca for his latest rant and for the latest news on how the CPC is thwarting the will of the Halton Conservative Riding Association. To paraphrase a character in Don Delillo's White Noise -- the art of getting ahead in politics is based on learning how to express dissatisfaction in an interesting way. Mr. Turner has learned that lesson exceedingly well. And so, last Friday, when he happened to be speaking at York University, what choice did I have but to go?

Garth wants parliamentary reform. He talks in glowing terms about digital democracy and virtual parliaments. Essentially he wants to use technology to bring constituents closer to their representatives, to push more decision-making power into the hands of voters through referendums. These may be lofty ideals but there are lots of nasty details to work out. He's starting with two practical ideas, however: fighting for the right of independent MPs to issue tax receipts for campaign contributions and pushing for a reform that would allow independent MPs to sit on parliamentary committees. Anything that can be done to put independent MPs on an equal footing with established parties is worth fighting for. Mr. Turner's efforts are certainly getting noticed. We learned that his website is garnering some 1500 emails per day from all across the country. We also learned that the PMO has created a full-time position to monitor the political whereabouts of Garth Turner. Talk about your Fear and Trembling in Ottawa (by Harper S. Kierkegaard).

The room wasn't particularly crowded but a number of York professors monopolized the floor and peppered Mr. Turner with questions on the minutiae of digital democracy and referendums. When the Honourable member suggested it would be better to let voters decide issues such as stem cell research, abortion and gay marriage, one prof demanded to know why populist politicians only wanted to allow referendums on "divisive, right wing issues". Why not ask the people to weigh in on economic issues as well, he demanded, and then asked the audience: "Who wants to raise the minimum wage to $10/hour?" As you might expect, the room erupted with applause and Garth was a little taken aback -- but only a little. Why not hold a plebiscite to legalize astral flying, I muttered to myself. To me, the problem with radical populism is that it heightens the tension between the easy answers that we all want and the hard choices that have to be made. We saw this when Mr. Turner "went to the people" with a series of town hall meetings to see what he should do after being ousted from the Conservative Caucus. He could not get a clear and decisive answer from his constituency and he wavered for for days before deciding to sit as an independent.

Anyhow, I did manage to get one question in edgewise. I reminded Mr. Turner that although many in his riding wanted him to sit as an independent, a large number also wanted him to become a Green. Then I asked if he would consider accommodating both camps by joining the GPC while continuing to sit in the House as an independent. Sure, it would merely be a symbolic gesture, but one that just might help Elizabeth May win the London bi-election. He merely smiled and reminded us that his grandfather was a "Liberal Conservative" MP who traveled to Ottawa on horseback twice a year and that he'd like to see more crossover between party lines in Ottawa. Sure. Whatever. Even if Mr. Turner was unwilling to commit to the Greens as a card carrying member, he deserves full marks for spending quality time campaigning with Ms. May in London last week. I wish him well, but that's enough Garth for a while.

Garth Day in Ottawa

Garth Turner held his Ottawa news conference today to announce his resignation from the Conservative Party of Canada. Many were predicting he would drop some sort of big juicy scandal bomb on that party, but it was not to be. Neither did he announce his intent to join the Green Party as some have hoped. His situation illustrates perfectly how the rough edge of party politics seems to grind away our ideal notions of democracy.

The arbitrary fashion in which the the Conservatives denied Turner the right to run as a CPC member in the next election -- despite being nominated by the local party twice in the past 18 months -- is scandalous. Turner deserves credit for opening a debate on parliamentary reform. Why shouldn't independent MPs have the right to issue tax receipts for campaign contributions just as full-fledged parties do? To that end, Turner announced he is taking the following actions:

1. I resign my membership in the Conservative name.

This is not easy to do after being a Conservative MP twice, a cabinet minister, a national leadership candidate and a Tory my whole life.

But my Conservative party believes in free speech, diversity of opinion, co-operation, equality of all people, progressive social values, true environmental protection and stands firm against intolerance, bigotry exclusion.

More importantly, though, I have realized that party politics - not just this party - is the problem.

2. Second, in the House of Commons I will support the government only when its actions are consistent with what I have just stated. I may only have one vote, and I may not change a whole lot, but it matters to me. I will try to make that vote count, and you will know it.

3. Third, I will seek out expert legal opinion on how our big national political parties, can be forced to be more democratic - to actually listen to, and obey, members. Right now these parties operate as old boys’ clubs accountable only to themselves. Is it any wonder voter turnout is dropping and cynicism is rising?

4. Fourth, I will introduce a private member’s bill seeking equal treatment in the House of Commons and under the Canada Elections Act for Independents. They should be able to sit on committees and raise money by issuing tax receipts right along with every other MP.

5. And, fifth, I’m not going away. Over the coming months I will travel anywhere people want to talk about democratic renewal, parliamentary reform, the role of our MPs and how citizens can get involved to reclaim this system from the unrepentant, arrogant party bosses and the unelected backroom boys.

Turner's chances at reform may be slimmer than the Leaf's shot at a Stanley Cup, but stranger things have happened. And while I hope he succeeds, I'd still like to see him return to party politics as a Green in the next election (There may be hope here: Garth is campaigning with Elizabeth May this Wednesday afternoon (Nov 15th) to support her by-election bid in London North Centre) Sure, we need more independent voices in Parliament, but the times are also crying for coherent, Green voices with the will to ameliorate some of the damage our species has caused.

Go Leafs Go!

Go Garth Go!

Go Greens Go!

Borat: Social Failings of America for Make Money for Sacha Baron Cohen

After seeing Borat on the Daily Show last week, I was not tempted to plonk down cash money to see the movie. But then I started reading about the law suits and that Russia is planning to ban it. And we were a little bored and needed to get out tonight. So ya got us Borat/Sacha -- ya got $14.90, anyhow. So what can you say about this Borat? It was hilarious, but most of the time it was uncomfortably hilarious -- and all too often it was like watching an Abu Gharaib prison video. Desipite the title, Borat has very little to say about American culture: New Yorkers don't like strangers kissing them on the subway. Southerners like their prayer palaces. Texans like rodeos. Everyone knows who Pamela is and apparently, anyone, can be on TV if they really want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With out challenging it, Barat gives us a bland, escapist America that is at once hedonistic and inward looking and he reflects a full spectrum of racism, sexism, homophobia and ignorance that is intended (one imagines) to mirror the American psyche.

But Borat is pushing more than American buttons. Apparently Kazakhstan may sue the makers of the movie because of its negative portrayal of that country. Russia may ban it completely. Meanwhile a Turkish web star claims to to be the inspiration for Borat's character and wants recognition and cash. To bring the surreality of this film full circle, several American frat boys who make racist and sexist comments in the movie are now suing to have their scenes cut. It's only a movie boys -- we've already forgotten you.

So what is Borat really trying to tell us? At first glance the movie is very unkind to the good people of Kazakhstan, but the racial humor is so over the top that no one can take it seriously. On the other hand, Borat barely scratches the surface as satire of American "Cultural Learning" and it challenges nothing about the over-protected, over-medicated, self-indulgent, hyper-consuming society in which we live. Except for this: in the middle of a fancy dinner party Borat excuses himself to use the washroom and then returns dangling a plastic bag containing his own feces. Earlier in the movie he defecates in a public garden in Manhattan. What's really going on here? Bother literally and figuratively it would seem that Borat is shitting on America -- and audiences are eating it up. So don't sweat the small stuff Kazakhstan -- you got off easy.

Of course nothing about this movie is really that easy. Borat does make it back home after all and he brings part of America home with him: a new iPod and a new wife. So we end the movie with a flourish of cultural globalization and a cute product placement for Apple?

Please can me help make a learning about your movie, Borat? I have feeling it is not getting me.

The Frog Lady: Harper Middle East Advisor Rejects

The Frog Lady: Harper Middle East Advisor Rejects